With a place in Europe already secured, the Saints were focused on their first televised game this season, piped out simultaneously through the internet and the Adult Channel. Our new sponsors, Bangor Bangers, 'The best sausage-meat this side of of the Nile Delta', had provided finger treats to all our travelling support. Through a contact Tim C had made while walking the streets of Mansfield, the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Leaders performed an uplifting pre-match routine, incorporating acrobatics, flick-flacks, flap-jacks and forward rolls. Felix was rooted to the spot, unable to move from the shadows; on the grounds that he would embarrass himself as a result of his growing admiration of the ladies.

The team gathered, as is now normal, for a pre match BBQ. Mrs. Miggins provided fresh meat and her famous marinade. The boys were put in a dark mood on hearing that Tom was suffering from a stiff finger and found out subsequently he was unable to hold his stick with both hands. Moggy, having just returned from tumbletots, volunteered to stand in, and was thrown head first into the pre-match meat treat.

 

Tbag, Chan and Guy were held up once again at messy pile up at Biffins Bridge, slowly nudging their way forward through a messy spill of Sweet Corn and dog food. Due to Henry's injury, sustained last week against the Semi-professionals of Eastbourne, it was decided he would be in charge of blowing - and what a splendid job he did as well, Helen must be a very proud!

The boys huddled for warmth and a pre-match tactical session. The chat revolved mainly around John W and the disappearance of Chan's Blow up substitute doll from last week. The library had insisted that it be returned, John admitted that it was pierced and he would look into repairing the hole later, perhaps at half time.

The game commenced and Mr Willy, the Marketing Director of Bangor Bangers, was visibly excited and dropped his pint of lime juice on the side-lines. The Saints were in Championship mood, the ball was moved around at break-neck speed. Alan D succumbed early and was the first casualty, with an in-growing toe nail. Tariq was pulled off the spit roast and thrown into the mele. DG, Dave, John and Moggy were supreme in attack, John, Mike and Pat were glorious in mid-field and Felix, Guy and Tbag were like the East German Border Patrol Guards, protecting the Berlin Wall from the Capitalist West. Tim was sublime in any position his captain put him into, Tariq on the other hand resembled a uphill gardener, searching vainly for his hoe in long grass.

 
As the half time whistle blew, the Saints were 2-1 up. As the Rugby was on, it was decided to have a shorter than normal break, DG presented his new Rusden's Spring Collection now available on line and in store only! Steve W was welcomed back, albeit still sitting down and facing the wrong way and muttering to himself.
 

The second half started much the same as the first, EG displayed domination in all aspects of the game, 3 further goals were smacked into the onion bag. As the game approached the final whistle, DG was taken roughly from behind, Moggy fearing that his half time Rusden's special promotional discount was at risk, came to his rescue with what can only be described as a Naval SEAL death lock. The umpire decided that he should join Steve W on the rocking chair. The final whistle was blown and the two teams headed off to a splendid post match meal and copious amounts of Sussex Best Ale.
 

It is rumored that Gary will be bringing his friend Prince Albert to the next match in 2 weeks. The boys are very excited having never shaken the hands of royalty before.

The Man of the Match....Moggy aka the Boston Strangler

Dick of the Day.............Tariq, for scoring for the opposition