The senior members of the team met the night before at the public car park by Gravetyre Manor. A sophisticated system of flashing and tooting of the horns was the pre-ordained signal to commence the nightly manoeuvres. It was decided that in the absence of Tariq, Tim S was to skipper the side. Many positions were discussed and practiced on the bonnet of cars, but the favoured one was the flat back four, with the remainder spread around the pitch, or chasing the ball.

Hilda Demdyke, a half sister of Gladys Clitterol, welcomed the Saints before the game and offered up her World famous strawberry chocolate dips. Henry was most impressed with her frilly chocolate box. The boys, as is tradition now, had a pre-match sauna and a deep tissue massage to relieve the aches and pains of a stressful week. It was good to welcome back Gary after a break due to his hamster pull, Burley was spotted wondering around the pitch [unfortunately it was the wrong one, muttering to himself and occasionally sparking up conversation with parked cars].

As the game commenced, Tariq arrived late, after flying back form San Francisco, Upper Virgin... and slotted in nicely behind Snooks and just in front of Gary. With the injection of speed and natural flair and skill, provided by a youthful midfield, we began a battle of attrition, John, Mike and Henry beginning to dominate the flow of the game, slapping it around in all directions at bewildering pace. Jimmy and DG were well serviced by John and Tim and on several occasions were close to receiving the ball back. Then began a period of complete mastering of the game, The DG and Jimmy show was nothing like the Saints had seen before, they were like 2 ballet dancers, perfectly synchronized, jumping, diving, twisting and leaping together. David Payne, was heard to comment on the firmness of Jimmy's slap, as he was taken roughly from behind by the opposition's keeper.

One after the other, the goals were smacked in, leaving us 5 up at half time. As this was Jimmy's first game this season for us, he was inducted into the bosom of the squad following his half time inauguration, which involved an Ostrich egg, a spoon and some Coleman's Mustard. This obviously slowed him down in the second half, but provided us with a chortle and a good photo opportunity.

The second half started as did the first, with a simple blow of the whistle... within ten minutes, Felix went down with a knock to his family jewels. Burley was at hand immediately, but the flash-backs were too much for him in his fragile state, and was escorted off the pitch, rather embarrassingly dropping his tailored trousers and mumbling under his breath 'Look, mine is bigger and than yours, and the proportion is still not right!'

As two more goals were scored, the hordes of travelling support had swelled to a least 3, cheering on the Saints to a well deserved victory, Chan failed to keep out a last minute P-Flick, opting instead to smoke a Cuban cigar whilst leaning against the post..

The man of the match was the entire midfield..

Many thanks to Phil and David for blowing.